Helping others cope with grief and loss
Grief touches everyone at some point, whether due to the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a change in life circumstances like a lost job or home.
Even though grieving is a natural and helpful response to loss, it can be incredibly painful to watch someone you care about go through the difficult feelings associated with grief. You might find that they’re overwhelmed with sadness and tears. Alternatively, they might be irritable, distant, or struggling with feelings of regret and anger. You can read more about the feelings and effects of grief here.
It’s common to feel unsure or disconnected from how someone else is grieving, and it’s okay not to have the right words or know exactly how to help. Talking about death and loss can be challenging, but avoiding a difficult conversation may leave the person experiencing grief feeling even more isolated.
Even though reaching out might feel scary, your support can be incredibly valuable and might ease the journey through grief.
On this page, you’ll find information on:
- Tips for helping someone experiencing grief
- How to help someone after suicide loss
- Ways you can offer support
- The importance of taking care of your own mental health.
Scroll down to learn more.
Tips for helping someone experiencing grief
Supporting someone who’s grieving isn’t about solving their problems or taking away their pain. It’s about being there to listen without judgement, empathising with what they’re going through, and encouraging self-care.
The first step is to reach out and let them know you’re there to listen and talk whenever they’re feeling ready. This can happen in person, over the phone, or through texts, but it’s important to ask how they prefer to stay in touch moving forward rather than assuming their communication preference. Sometimes, the person might focus on details or retell the story of their loss as a way of processing these feelings.
In the early days of grief, it’s particularly important to practise patience. Allow the person you care about to share their thoughts and feelings at their own pace. The grieving process doesn’t have a set timeline, and it’s important not to pressure them to ‘move on’ or compare their grief experience to others. Supporting them through this journey means accepting their unique process without imposing your own expectations.
If possible, try to avoid saying things like:
- ‘At least they lived a long life.’
- ‘Everything happens for a reason.’
- ‘They’re in a better place.’
- ‘You didn’t like that job anyway.’
While well-intentioned, these types of statements can minimise the person’s grief.
Continue reading for more tips.
- Empathise without overshadowing
Empathy involves deeply understanding and sharing another person’s feelings, which can be more comforting and feel more authentic than sympathy. To show empathy, you might say things like, ‘I understand why you’re hurting so much right now’ or share your own experiences in a way that supports the way the other person is feeling rather than shifts the focus away.
Avoid telling them you feel sorry for them and making the conversation about your own experiences or trying to overshadow their feelings. Below, you can watch a helpful video that explains the difference between empathy and sympathy.
- Listen without pushing for details
- Talk about the person who died
- Acknowledge progress
- Be aware of situations and conversations that may bring up strong emotions
It’s painful to know someone you care about is hurting and it’s normal to feel sad and helpless as you try to support them through their grief journey. It can also be frustrating if the person you care about is grieving in a way you don’t understand or in a way that feels unsafe.
Because grief affects everyone differently, it can be hard to predict how someone is going to react to loss. They might become extremely dependent, express anger, or withdraw. These responses can lead to difficulty in communicating and potentially affect your relationship.
While offering consistent support is important, aim to be reliable and present without overwhelming them.
Remember, it’s important to maintain boundaries and protect your own wellbeing, too. It’s okay to set limits if their behaviour becomes hurtful. Balancing support with self-care will help sustain both your relationship and your own mental health and wellbeing.
You can learn more about looking after your mental health through self-care by clicking here.
Start a conversation by sharing Lifeline's Support Toolkit Grief Topic.
If you're worried about someone who's grieving the loss of someone or something significant, reaching out to chat about what they're experiencing can be incredibly comforting and helpful.
One way you can start the conversation is by sending a link to our grief topic: ll.org.au/grief
You can say something like, 'Grieving can be a long and challenging process. I thought you might find this grief and loss information helpful. I also want to let you know that I'm here if you'd like to chat about what you're going through.'
Tips for helping someone after suicide loss
Losing someone to suicide (also called suicide bereavement) can present unique challenges compared to other types of loss. The unexpected and tragic nature of the death can often make the grieving process feel harder and take longer. During this time, support from others becomes especially important.
Even though there is nothing shameful about suicide, stigma and misconceptions still exist in many communities. If you feel uncomfortable talking about suicide, you may find it helpful to read our page about suicide grief or visit our suicide topic.
If you’re open to learning more about approaching the subject with sensitivity, we’ve provided some tips below.
- Use sensitive language when speaking about suicide
Using sensitive language when referring to suicide is important because it helps to honour the person who has died while avoiding further stigma or distress for the person you’re supporting.
Respectful terminology:
- Died by suicide
- Suicided
- Ended their life
- Took their own life
- Non-fatal suicide attempt.
Stigmatising terminology:
- Committed suicide
- Successful suicide
- Completed suicide
- Failed suicide attempt.
For more information, you can download StandBy's fact sheet on managing social stigma after suicide by clicking here.
- Don't speculate or ask for details
- Focus on the person's life rather than the manner of death
For more information on suicide bereavement, you can visit our grief after suicide page here.
Ways you can offer support
Grief is a journey with many emotional ups and downs, and the needs and feelings of the person you’re supporting may shift over time.
Being adaptable, flexible, and responsive to these changes is important and can allow you to provide meaningful support. Pay attention to their cues and adjust your approach as needed.
As mentioned earlier, your presence alone can often be enough.
This could mean simply:
- Sitting in silence
- Sending regular check-in texts
- Suggesting activities like watching a movie or going for a walk.
Remember, grief support doesn’t have to mean talking about the loss itself or the feelings of grief.
- Encourage self-care
When grieving, it can be hard to remember (or find the energy) to take care of your physical and mental health. You can encourage self-care by suggesting activities that help the person you care about rest, recharge, and stay socially connected.
You can also remind them that self-care isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s a crucial way we take care of our mental health and wellbeing.
Here are a few ideas you can suggest:
- Looking after their kids so they can catch up on sleep (Click here to learn about the importance of sleep for mental health.)
- Watching a movie or TV show
- Listening to a podcast
- Journaling thoughts and feeling
- Meditating and practising mindfulness
- Making a self-care box.
- Keep them connected
- Offer practical help
- Help them connect with professional grief support
Grief is a journey with many emotional ups and downs, and the needs and feelings of the person you’re supporting may shift over time.
Being flexible and responsive to these changes is important and can allow you to provide meaningful support. Pay attention to their cues and adjust your approach as needed.
Looking after your own mental health
Supporting someone through grief can be emotionally demanding and might also impact your own wellbeing, especially if you’re grieving the same loss. While it's important to look out for others, it can't come at the expense of your own mental and physical health.
To ensure you’re maintaining your own wellbeing:
- Define your limits on when and how you can assist, and be clear about what you’re comfortable discussing
- Prioritise and practise self-care, engaging in activities that help you recharge and maintain your mental and physical health and wellbeing
- Be mindful of when the situation is becoming too overwhelming and reach out for support if necessary.
If you’re struggling to cope or would like further advice on how to support someone who’s grieving, you can contact Griefline (1300 845 745) between 8am and 8pm AEST/AEDT to talk about what you’re going through.
Remember, it’s really common to experience relationship problems when people around you are grieving. You can read tips for having healthy relationships in the Support Toolkit here or you can explore resources from Relationships Australia.
If you feel like you’re overwhelmed and would like someone to talk to right now, you can contact Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via 13 11 14, text, and chat.
