What can I say to someone I’m concerned about?
When you’re concerned for someone’s mental health or wellbeing, it’s natural to feel uncertain about what to say or do.
You might worry about their reaction, feel anxious about bringing up sensitive topics, or find the situation overwhelming. It’s okay to feel unsure. What matters most is your willingness to show up and listen.
Reaching out isn’t about having all the answers or fixing their problems. It’s about letting them know you care and reminding them that support is available.
For many, asking for help can feel daunting. They might fear being judged, struggle to express their feelings, or not even realise they need support. Your kindness and understanding can be the encouragement they need to take that first step.
Recognising when to reach out
It’s not always easy to tell when someone might need support, especially if they’re keeping their feelings to themselves.
Even if the person hasn’t shared their struggles openly, subtle changes in behaviour or mood can indicate they’re having a hard time.
If you’re unsure whether it’s time to have a conversation, the common signs listed below can help you decide.
Signs someone might be struggling with their mental health
- Pulling away from friends, family or social activities
- Difficulty falling asleep, sleeping too much, or waking up still feeling tired
- Noticeable changes in eating habits or weight
- Frequent headaches, stomach issues, or other unexplained illnesses
- Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things
- Using alcohol or drugs more often to cope
- Lack of personal care and hygiene
- Increased anger and irritability
- Excessively worried about day-to-day tasks
- Expressing worthlessness or believing there’s no way forward.
Remember, everyone’s experience is unique. Some people might not show any obvious signs, but your intuition that something feels different or off can still be a reason to check-in.
Reaching out with C.A.R.E.
Deciding to reach out to someone you’re worried about is a brave and caring choice, and one that could make a life-changing difference.
The C.A.R.E. framework (Connect, Ask, Remind, Empower) provides a simple, practical way to approach these conversations with confidence and compassion. It’s designed to help you support the other person while easing the pressure of feeling like you need to have all the answers.
In some situations, using C.A.R.E.'s thoughtful and empathetic approach can be the difference between someone feeling supported or remaining silent in their struggles.
Communicate with C.A.R.E.
- Tips for connecting
Connecting isn’t about saying the perfect thing. It’s about creating a safe and supportive space where the other person feels comfortable opening up.
The following tips can help you start the conversation in a way that feels natural and compassionate.
- Choose the right time and place: Find a private, relaxed setting where they can feel at ease, like a café, park, or their home.
- Let them know why you’re there: Approach the conversation calmly and without judgement. Let them know you care about them and aren’t there to ‘fix’ or criticise them.
- Keep it simple: You don’t need the perfect words. Saying, ‘I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately, and I wanted to check-in.’ can be a meaningful way to start.
- Be present: Use open body language, maintain eye contact, and give them your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone to show they have your focus.
- Acknowledge their feelings: Reassure them that their emotions are valid. For example, you could say, ‘It’s understandable to feel this way, given what you’re going through.’
- Tips for asking questions
- Tips for reminding
- Tips for empowering
“You don't need to have all the answers. Simply holding space while offering compassion and respect can mean the world to someone who’s having a hard time.”
Communication tips
In any conversation, the small actions listed below can help the other person feel heard, respected, and supported.
- Sit or stand side by side: This can feel less confrontational and make it easier for the other person to open up
- Suggest a walk or outdoor chat: Being outside or moving together can ease tension and create a calmer space to talk
- Hold gentle eye contact: Steady but soft eye contact shows you’re present without overwhelming the other person
- Practise active listening: Focus fully on the other person’s words without interrupting
- Show you’re listening: Nodding or using verbal cues like ‘I see’ helps the other person know you’re engaged in what they’re saying
- Mirror their tone and pace: Matching the other person’s way of speaking helps build rapport and understanding
- Pause before responding: A thoughtful pause can show you’re taking their words seriously
- Focus on empathy, not sympathy: Empathy means really trying to understand and feel what the other person is going through. For example, you could say, ‘I can see why you’re hurting so much right now.’ instead of ‘I feel so sorry for you.’
You can learn more about the difference between empathy and sympathy by watching the video below.
Everyone’s challenges are unique, which means these conversations might lead to different next steps.
What matters most is letting the other person know you’re ready to listen and support them in a way and at a time that feels right for them.
What to do if the other person appears suicidal
If the other person has indicated immediate plans to end their life, it’s important to call 000 as soon as possible.
Remember, you can seek help from a Lifeline crisis supporter 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via 13 11 14, online chat, and text for information and advice.
Signs someone may be thinking about suicide
On top of the general signs of mental health challenges listed earlier, there are specific warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide.
These signs can sometimes be subtle, so it’s important to pay attention if you notice any of the following:
- Talking about wanting to end their life: This might include statements like, “I’m thinking about ending my life,” “I can’t take it anymore,” or “I just want the pain to stop.”
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness or being trapped: They may say things like, “I don’t see a way out” or “Things will never get better.”
- Making final preparations: They could be giving away treasured possessions, saying goodbyes that feel unusual or final, or making legal or financial arrangements, such as writing a will.
- Sudden calmness or relief: After a period of distress, they might suddenly seem peaceful or resolved, which could indicate they’ve made a decision to end their life.
- Preoccupation with death: Talking, writing, or drawing about death, or showing an unusual interest in topics related to dying.
- Risky or self-destructive behaviours: Engaging in actions like reckless driving, heavy drinking, or drug use, especially if it’s out of character or increasing.
- Withdrawing from others: Isolating from friends and family or avoiding activities they once enjoyed.
- Feelings of being a burden: They may say things like, “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I’m just causing problems for everyone.”
- Changes in routine: Significant changes in eating, sleeping, or self-care habits, particularly neglecting personal appearance.
It can be incredibly difficult and emotionally taxing to be worried about someone who might be suicidal. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to help.
By showing compassion, offering support, and encouraging them to seek help, you can play a crucial role in helping them through this difficult time.
If it feels right, you can offer to help them make a safety plan with the Beyond Now Safety Planning app for when things feel overwhelming.
No person should have to face their darkest moments alone.
If you need someone to talk to, Lifeline crisis supporters are here for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via 13 11 14, online chat, and text. If life is in danger, call 000.
You can learn more about what to expect when contacting Lifeline by clicking here.
Supporting someone who isn't ready to talk
If the other person isn’t ready to open up, it’s important to respect their boundaries while letting them know you’re there for them. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make a big difference, even if they aren’t ready to share yet.
Here are a few things you can do to show your support:
- Reassure them that the door is always open
- Let the other person know it’s okay to take their time: For example, you can say, ‘I understand if you’re not ready to talk yet. I’m here whenever you feel ready.’
- Keep it casual and open-ended: You can say things like, ‘No pressure, but if you ever want to chat, I’m just a message away.’
- Remind them they’re not alone: ‘I care about you and I want you to know you don’t have to go through this by yourself.’
- Stay present in their life
- Be patient
“She paused, looked at me face-to-face, and said, 'Now tell me honestly, how are you feeling?' I just started crying and shared some of the ways I was feeling.”
Practical resources to share
Whether the other person is ready to open up or not, asking if it’s okay to share practical resources can be a simple yet powerful way to support them. If it feels right, you can gently suggest the other person check out the Support Toolkit. You could say, ‘I’ve come across a website with mental health information that might be helpful. It’s there whenever you feel ready to check it out.’
When talking about the Support Toolkit, you can:
- Let them know it’s a website with practical tips, tools, and self-led support options
- Reassure them they can access it in their own time and at their own pace
- Share that it’s a safe, pressure-free space to explore their feelings and find ideas for next steps.
Below, you can find some of our most popular articles and support guides. If the other person is interested in finding local support services, you can also suggest using the Lifeline Service Finder.
Supporting kids and young people
Starting a conversation about mental health with kids or teens can feel daunting, especially if you’re unsure how they’ll respond. Whether it’s a child struggling to find the words or a teenager who seems distant, your care can make a real difference. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers. Being there to listen is the most powerful thing you can do.
Kids and teens often respond to stress and other mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, and trauma differently from adults. For kids, emotions might come out through changes in behaviour or physical symptoms, while teens might withdraw or act out. Recognising these differences can help you notice when something’s not quite right.
Signs to look out for in kids and young people
Signs in kids
- Clinginess or fearfulness: Younger children might stick closer to parents or show new fears, like being scared to sleep alone
- Physical symptoms: Recurring stomach aches, headaches, or other unexplained pains can signal emotional distress
- Changes in behaviour: Outbursts, tantrums, or trouble concentrating may indicate they’re feeling overwhelmed
- Regressing to earlier behaviours: Behaviours like bedwetting or thumb-sucking may reappear during stressful times
- Loss of interest: Kids might stop wanting to play with friends or take part in activities they usually enjoy.
Signs in teens
- Mood swings or irritability: Stress or anxiety may show up as frustration or anger that feels out of character
- Social withdrawal: Spending more time alone or avoiding family and friends can be a sign they’re struggling
- Changes in sleep or eating habits: Sleeping too much or too little, or experiencing shifts in appetite, can indicate emotional distress
- Risky behaviours: Teens may cope with their feelings by experimenting with alcohol, drugs, or other unsafe activities
- Perfectionism or overworking: A strong focus on avoiding failure or overachieving might mask deeper worries.
It’s important to remember that these behaviours are often ways of expressing internal struggles. If you’re noticing these signs, it’s worth reaching out and offering your support.
Tips for talking to kids
Younger children might not have the words to explain how they’re feeling, so keeping things simple and offering plenty of patience can help them feel safe.
- Start with everyday feelings: Say, 'You’ve seemed a bit quiet lately. Are you feeling okay?' to gently open the door to a conversation.
- Use relatable examples: Refer to books, TV shows, or shared experiences to help them explain their emotions. For example, 'Do you ever feel like [character] did when they were scared?'
- Be patient and calm: Encourage them gently with questions like, 'Can you show me how you’re feeling?'
- Reassure them it’s okay to feel upset: Let them know feelings like sadness or fear are natural and that you’re there to help.
- Keep the door open: Say, 'You can always talk to me about what’s on your mind,' to encourage ongoing conversations.
- Use play or creative activities: Talking while playing a game, drawing, or doing an activity they enjoy can help younger kids feel more at ease.
Tips for talking with teens
Young people often respond best when conversations are approached with empathy and respect for their independence.
- Pick the right time and place: Look for relaxed moments, like a car ride or during an activity, to start the conversation.
- Use non-verbal cues: Open body language, nodding, and steady eye contact can show them you’re fully present. Don’t shy away from their honesty, even if they share difficult feelings like self-harm.
- Listen without interrupting: Let them speak freely and avoid jumping in with advice too quickly. Say, 'I’m here to listen, not to judge or fix things.'
- Acknowledge their feelings: Reflect back what they’ve shared to show understanding. For example, 'It sounds like you’ve been feeling really stressed about school.'
- Avoid minimising their struggles: Say, 'I understand this feels big for you,' instead of, 'It’s not a big deal.'
- Support their choices: Ask how you can help and let them take the lead. For example, 'What do you think might help? I’m here for whatever you need.'
It’s not always easy to talk to kids or teens about mental health, but your support can make a lasting difference. Don’t hesitate to explore resources like Kids Helpline and ReachOut together. They can spark helpful conversations and provide tools that resonate with them.
Above all, remember you’re not alone, and help is always available for you and the young person you care about.
Looking after yourself
Your care and willingness to be there for someone really can be a lifeline. At the same time, supporting someone you’re worried about can feel really challenging, which is why it’s so important to take care of your own mental health.
Here are a few ideas for looking after yourself while supporting others:
- Make a personalised self-care box
- Practise mindfulness or try meditation
- Use grounding techniques to manage emotions
- Ensure you’re getting enough sleep
- Lean on support services like Carer Gateway.
You can learn more about the importance of self-care by clicking here.
And remember - Lifeline crisis supporters are always here whenever you want to talk.
